THE MURDER OF STRETCH MONSTER: A TRUE STORY

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC CONTENT, THIS POST MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG READERS OR TOY COLLECTORS WHO MIGHT BE A LITTLE SQUEAMISH.

YEAR: 1978
PLACE: ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM
VICTIM: STRETCH MONSTER
SURVIVED BY: KENNETH (OWNER OF STRETCH MONSTER)
MURDER WEAPON: #2 PENCIL
MURDERER: ?



It was a hot and steamy afternoon close to the end of the school year and Mrs. Knewlman’s 2nd-grade class just finished with Show & Tell. The class of about thirty students was in a jovial mood as they enjoyed seeing all the interesting items brought in by their fellow classmates. 

The time was thirty minutes after one o’clock and the third recess bell sounded. All of Mrs. Knewlman’s 2nd-grade class filed outside for the last recess of the day. It was a typical normal recess.

At precisely forty-five minutes after one o’clock, the children finished third recess and entered into Mrs. Knewlman’s 2nd-grade class. A gasp, a shout, and loud crying were heard through the classroom as Kenneth was the first on the scene to notice that his Stretch Monster was stabbed in the chest with a #2 pencil. Red syrupy blood oozed from the monster’s chest and pooled onto Kenneth’s desk. All the children looked on in utter shock and horror.

Reports from some of the classmates said that Kenneth was the last presenter for Show & Tell and he gave a proud presentation to the class about Stretch Monster. Afterward, he left Stretch Monster on his desk and was outside during the full duration of third recess. Mrs. Knewlman interviewed each student to find out who might have committed this gruesome crime.

Mrs. Knewlman removed the murder weapon and bandaged Stretch Monster with two large band-aids across his chest.

All the students were instructed to take their seats and sit quietly until the murderer confessed. She also handed Kenneth a box of tissue as he was distraught.

For the next hour until forty-five minutes after two o’clock, not one student had come forward to confess the crime. Mrs. Knewlman announced that no one would be able to leave their desk to catch the school bus until someone confessed.

Finally, at fifty minutes after two o’clock, the murderer raised their hand and confessed to this horrific crime. The little murderer was actually a little murderess. A girl by the name of Misty had stabbed Stretch Monster. Her reason was a mixed bag. She first said she just wanted to see what was inside of Stretch Monster. That was followed by some tearful waterworks and the full truth. She confessed that she was jealous of Kenneth’s Stretch Monster and wanted one for herself. Earlier in the day, she asked Kenneth if she could have the toy. Kenneth vehemently told her, "No way, Jose."

During third recess, she asked to go inside and use the restroom. She skipped the restroom and instead purchased a five-cent official NFL football pencil out of the pencil machine. She sharpened the pencil to a fine point and then carried out her act of murder.

She was apprehended and was served a swift punishment with a paddle to the heinie and was sentenced to miss all recesses the next day while writing sentences on the blackboard.

The Stretch Monster murder case was closed and another school day in Mrs. Knewlman's 2nd-grade class was over.

Kenneth moved onto other toys and continued to bring items for Show & Tell. He became very popular after bringing a small plastic trash can filled with green ooze called Slime.

Misty's crime career continued as she stole a stack of Star Wars cards and beheaded a baby doll later in the school year.

This is a true story and I was there to witness it.

All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Well...Stretch Monster’s name wasn’t changed, but everyone else's name involved was changed.