Friday, February 23, 2007

THE MURDER OF STRETCH MONSTER: A TRUE STORY

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC CONTENT, THIS POST MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG READERS OR TOY COLLECTORS WHO MIGHT BE A LITTLE SQUEAMISH.

YEAR: 1978
PLACE: ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM
VICTIM: STRETCH MONSTER
SURVIVED BY: KENNETH (OWNER OF STRETCH MONSTER)
MURDER WEAPON: PENCIL
MURDERER: ?



It was a hot and steamy afternoon close to the end of the school year and Mrs. Knewlman’s 2nd grade class just finished with Show and Tell. The class of about thirty students was in a jovial mood as they enjoyed seeing all the interesting items brought in by fellow classmates.

The time was thirty minutes after one o’clock and the third recess bell sounded. All of Mrs. Knewlman’s 2nd grade class filed outside for the last recess of the day. It was a typical normal recess.

At precisely forty-five minutes after one o’clock the children finished third recess and entered into Mrs. Knewlman’s 2nd grade class. A gasp, a shout and loud crying were heard through the classroom as Kenneth was the first on the scene to notice that his Stretch Monster was stabbed in the chest with a #2 pencil. Syrup blood oozed from the monster’s chest cavity and pooled onto Kenneth’s desk while all the children looked on in utter shock.


Reports from some of the classmates said that Kenneth was the last for Show and Tell and he gave a proud presentation to the class about Stretch Monster. He left Stretch Monster on his desk and was outside during the full duration of third recess. Mrs. Knewlman interviewed every student to find out who might have committed this gruesome crime.

Mrs. Knewlman removed the murder weapon and proceeded to bandage Stretch Monster with two large band-aids.


All the students were instructed to take their seats and sit quietly until the murderer confessed. She also handed Kenneth a box of tissue as he was distraught.

For the next hour until forty-five minutes after two o’clock, not one student had come forward to confess the crime. Mrs. Knewlman announced that no one would be able to leave their desk to catch the school bus until someone confessed.

Finally, at fifty minutes after two o’clock the murderer raised their hand and confessed to this horrific murder. The little murderer was actually a little murderess. A girl by the name of Misty had stabbed Stretch Monster. Her reason; was that she was jealous of Kenneth’s Stretch Monster as she wanted a Stretch Monster for herself. She had asked Kenneth earlier if she could have it. Kenneth said no.

During third recess she asked to go inside and use the restroom. She didn't use the restroom and and instead she purchased a five cent #2 official NFL football pencil out of the pencil machine. She sharpened the #2 pencil to a fine point and then carried out this act of murder.

She was apprehended and was served a swift punishment with a paddle to the rear.

The Stretch Monster murder case was closed.

Kenneth moved onto other toys and continued to bring items for show and tell. He became very popular after bringing a small plastic trash can filled with green ooze called Slime.

Misty spent the next day missing all recesses because she was writing sentences on the blackboard.

This is a true story and I was there to witness it.

All names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Well, Stretch Monster’s name wasn’t changed, but everyone else involved, was.


2 comments:

Mike Middleton said...

Are are sure Misty wasn't Pat and Kenneth wasn't Todd and said stabbing didn't take place in a domicile not too far from said grade school?

Todd Franklin said...

Amazing, but big brother never bothered Stretch and he actually thought he was pretty neat.

My grade school was close to my house, but luckily my Stretch Monster was safe at home that day.